Cats- But Not The Musical

Posted on Mon Apr 10th, 2023 @ 10:19pm by Lieutenant Jayla Kij MD & Lieutenant JG Fox Jasper

1,714 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: The Icarus Files
Location: Holodeck

It had taken Jayla a while to figure out how exactly to go about this, but it was finally ready. She had decided on a sort of zoo exhibit with the cats behind glass where the pilot could watch them and only enter if he felt comfortable. She had also decided on only three cats to start with, two of whom were kittens. Who could resist kittens, after all?

So, now, the program was set and she had sent the order to report to the holodeck for "physical therapy" to be done while on duty, since it was technically something that affected his ability to do his job. She had also memorized about 8 dozen facts about the way cats behaved, hoping that learning something about them might help alleviate his unease with them.

Now, all she had to do was to wait for him to arrive.

Cats. Why did it have to be cats?! Starfleet seemed to delight in testing those inner boundaries, the ones he hadn't even realised needed to be tested. No other ship he'd served on had been populated by sentient robo-felines that looked as varied as Earth cats but harboured the enhanced evil genius of the original model. They were Machiavellian masterminds, whether flesh and blood or otherwise, and Fox didn't trust them. He'd lain awake half the night wondering if Captain Maddox would let him just trade for a dog.

And now, here he was, walking uncomfortably into the holodeck to meet the Doc with a heart full of regret and concern, a swagger of mostly false confidence and an expression of worried hope. Hope that this was temporary.

Oh... nebulas of untold riches... there were three of them, Fox thought as he stepped into the room and grimaced a smile for Jayla.

"Hey, Doc," he said, lamely, his attention mostly taken up by the trio of felines behind the glass enclosure.

“Hi!” said Jayla cheerfully with an enthusiastic grin. “How’s your day going?”

"Okay til now," noted Fox, wincing. "Do we really have to do this?"

“I mean, if you don’t mind being freaked out by a part of the ship’s systems on a daily basis, I guess we could skip it,” Jayla replied pointedly. “Otherwise, yes, we have to watch the kittens. If you like, I could have a nurse bring Silver down. He’s a registered therapy animal. And no he is not a cat. He’s a horned fox.”

Fox gifted the room and the doc a heavy sigh. He knew this was necessary, but it felt so unfair. Like there wasn't enough he was dealing with and they had to throw cats in the mix too? Why did it have to be cats?!

"Fair point," the pilot answered with a wry smile. "Guess you're right," he added, mirroring Jayla's sentiment. He stared at the kittens from a safe distance, uncomfortably unable to not project the larger and more robust FELINE element onto the little critters. Then Fox turned back to Jayla. "I think one fox in the room is enough," he grinned, finding his own predicament amusing now. If he had to have a fox to fix a Fox's fear of cats, it was maybe getting overcomplicated.

"You like cats, right?" Jasper asked Dr Kij. It was genuine curiosity, not mocking in the least. "Why?"

“I like all animals,” replied Jayla. “I used to be terrified of fish when I was little. My dad made me learn about them until they weren’t scary anymore. And now I even love fish. Cats are weird, though. I think most people who don’t like them just don’t understand them. For instance, you see what the kittens are doing right now?” She gestured towards the kittens. One was pretending to ignore his brother, who was pretending to stalk him. “You see how the one being stalked has one ear back? It’s because he’s telling his brother that he knows he’s there and trusts that he means no harm. Cats will do that to people, too- pretend to ignore them as a show of trust.”

Fox frowned. How did someone gain a fear of fish?! Maybe the big ones with the huge spiky teeth, sure... But then everyone had something, right? The doc's angle was fair, but sounded a little judgemental to his bias ears. He raised an eyebrow. "I'm not a child. And I understand them well enough, I reckon," he said, defensively.

Then with slightly more venom in his tone, he added. "They're arseholes. Out for their own gain, plotting and scheming as keenly as any bigger sentient. And the ones we have on board are even worse," Fox continued his rant with enthusiastic unhappiness. "They're cats with AI. As if the damn things needed an upgrade to be more evil."

“They’re not assholes,” replied Jayla almost blandly, as if reporting on the weather. “They just don’t relate to the universe the same way we do. Or the same way dogs do. Or the same way horned foxes do. Or any animal, for that matter. Most every mammal has a similar way of acting and reacting, but cats have their own way of doing things. It surprises a lot of people to know that cats actually LOVE being near us. But, whereas dogs and horned foxes, and almost every other mammal like to interact with us directly to show that they enjoy our company, cats prefer to ignore us while they are enjoying our company because that’s the way they interact with one another.” She paused for a moment. “They’re weird, yes, but they’re not assholes.”

"You've had different experiences to me then," Fox conceded generously. They were definitely the a-word in his experience. "And I don't really mind how they relate to the universe or other sentients, so long as they're nowhere near me." He exhaled harshly and looked from Jayla to the kittens and back again. "They can ignore me all they want, I'm cool with that."

Jayla nodded. “I will admit that some cats are badly behaved,” she allowed, “but that is because their owners let them get away with everything. In any case, once you're comfortable enough to ignore them back, we’ll be making progress.”

Fox looked confused for a second or two. "I think you've got that the wrong way around," he pointed out. "You don't own a cat. A cat owns you." It had always been that way on every ship or station he'd encountered before. Cats had key roles to perform, mostly in the murder business.

“And that’s the mentality that allows cats to become badly behaved,” she replied. “Cats don’t have an alpha, so it’s impossible to be the alpha when you have cats. But it is possible to teach them the behaviors you’re not okay with. Usually by making sure they know you don’t like them. Cats want us to be happy and they will stop doing things if they know we don’t like them. Granted, the FELINEs are a bit easier since they’re artificial intelligence.”

"I think you're wrong," said Fox, with a gentle tone. He didn't want to fight any more than he wanted to be around felines with or without the capitalisation, but their views were oppositionally skewed and he didn't plan on changing his any more than Jayla would alter hers. They simply had different experience on this front. "Or maybe I've just been around more independent cats than you. Never met one that cared if people liked them or not. Have met some pretty deadly killing machines though."

“To be fair, they’re all that,” replied Jayla with a bit of a grin. “Which is why they were domesticated in the first place. Pest control. If I remember correctly, it was ancient Egyptians who first realized they could keep rats out of their food stores by getting cats to prowl around. Sea ships employed them regularly as well. And even in the early days of interstellar travel, cats were brought aboard for the same purpose. Mice and rats will get everywhere no matter how diligent you are. But of course we have internal sensors for that sort of thing now.”

"What's an Egyptian?" Fox asked out of partial curiosity, and part wanting to change the subject away from the damn kitties. He was done looking at kittens now, and opinion unsurprisingly not yet changed when it came to FELINEs, kinda just wanted out of this situation now. "Yeah, we have enough sensors in these fancy boats to catch most things," he agreed with Jayla's last statement. "Yet for some reason you folks still want the cats..."

A heavy sigh preceded his second question. "Can I go now? This CFO gig is busier on the admin than I'm used to."

Jayla gave a sigh that almost directly echoed his. “Yes, I suppose that’s enough for today,” she said. “Before you go, though, I just want you to know that I’m not trying to make you like cats; that would be a futile waste of both of our time. No. I think we should instead focus on making you comfortable around them. Or at least indifferent. And I think we’ll both be ecstatic if you can simply tolerate them.”

He wasn't sure what he'd expected from a doctor trying to cure what he considered to be a rational fear born from bitter experience, but Fox would take the minor win and exit stage left earlier than he'd expected. The sigh from Jayla grated a little, but later, he'd rationalise that he was probably a frustrating patient. "Not sure I can ever trust them," the pilot admitted, gifting the kittens a suspicious glare from a few steps back. "But indifferent would be an improvement I guess, yeah. Thanks."

Then he headed for the door swiftly before she changed her mind.

“Never mind, babies,” she said to the holographic cats once the doors had swished shut behind him. “He’s a tough case. I still like you. Computer, save and end program.”

The yellow grid appeared and Jayla turned to head towards the door.

 

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