Blue Steel
Posted on Wed Jul 19th, 2023 @ 1:10am by Lieutenant Commander TaijanSuda ch'Thulhu & Lieutenant JG Stanislav Finch & Lieutenant Commander Aarix Teral
2,483 words; about a 12 minute read
Mission:
The Icarus Files
Location: USS Daedalus
Suda was a man on a mission. What had started out as a minor case of vandalism, all things considered, was rapidly turning into a significant breach of operational security as perpetrated by the usual suspect of one Stanislav Obispo Finch. This was not some patrol mission. This was not an exploratory expedition into the unknown. This was a rescue operation being conducted in the most treacherous region of space known to the Federation. It was not the time or place to fuck around. By Suda's estimation, Finch had fucked around plenty and it was high time for him to find out what happens to the Fuckaround Gang on Suda's watch.
For some reason, the Chief Engineer was not in Engineering. The computer had placed him on the holodeck in the middle of his scheduled shift. Aarix didn't seem the type to wank off while on duty. Maybe there was a malfunction. Just as well. Suda could reach the holodeck from Sickbay in half the time.
When Suda came up on the doors to the main holodeck, he saw Aarix exiting a rather raucous program whose purpose and designs left little to the imagination. He raised a curious eyebrow at Aarix. "Am I interrupting something, Commander?" His lone antenna twitched in judgment.
After the holodeck doors shut behind him, Aarix let a small disgusted shudder course down his spine. The moment to himself was brief, however, as someone asked him a question, and he turned his head to see an Andorian in yellow nearby, the one he quickly recognized as chief of security. "No, Commander," he replied, some irritation sneaking its way into his voice. "I just needed to have some words with our intelligence chief. Don't go in there, by the way, not unless you want the image of a naked man burned into your memory." With the mild urgency of wanting to deal with this alleged graffiti on his mind, there was also a hint of impatience in his voice when he asked, "is there something I can help you with?"
"Yeah." Suda withdrew his skeptical stare and resumed the business at hand by accessing files on his PADD. "You are a person of interest in a case of vandalism that has broadened into a breach of operational security." Handing the PADD to Aarix, he paused a moment to allow the man to study the image which captured the limerick etched into the lavatory door. "So far my investigation has produced some confessions, the first one being from the secondary vandal who thought to grade the content of the original vandalism rather than report it. That confession led me to one of my own officers who was the victim of phished authorization by a compromised FELINE. What I need from you is diagnostic reports from those damn contraptions to determine which one it was and who might've fucked with it. Then..." A malicious smirk came over Suda's face. "... well, I'll spare you the bloody details."
At first, Aarix was hesitant to see what was on the PaDD, but as he read the vandalism he ended up paying less attention to what the officer was saying. An angry knot formed in his chest when he saw that the words were very targeted toward him. His grip tightened on the PaDD as his eyes lingered over the parts about his mother.
"That childish asshole..." Aarix growled. He whipped his head back toward the holodeck, debating if he wanted to go back into the program and punch Finch. Deciding he did not want to 1) see Finch fully naked, and 2) punch an officer with chief of security in tow, Aarix turned to Suda and shoved the PaDD back into his hands with more force than necessary. "Finch is your culprit," he said, before walking past the man. If he stayed near the holodeck any longer, his anger would drive his burning desire to send Finch to sickbay.
"I need evidence to that effect," Suda said. "I can get override access in his office and his quarters, but I might need help getting to cracking open whatever he uses to store the incriminating shit." The Andorian flashed Aarix a steely look. "You in?"
"He literally just told me about it. If that's not enough evidence, can't you get the holodeck recording or something?" He asked sharply, turning to face the Andorian. The longer he stayed there, the more he wanted to give Finch a new nose job. "His stupid vandalism is undoubtedly targeted toward me. Are you sure it's a good idea to have me involved in your investigation?"
Suda snorted in irritation. "I am conducting the investigation. I just want help breaking shit open without bringing in a whole goddamn team of forensic experts. JAG ain't out here and Finch ain't a real officer, so protocol isn't topping my list of priorities. Gettin' shit done is. Now are you in or out? Not asking again."
There was a moment's pause as Aarix considered his options. He really didn't want to confront Finch after seeing the graffiti. Even thinking about him made his blood boil. But if helping the security chief meant that Finch might not be such an ass in the future, maybe it was worth whatever Suda was going to ask him to do. "Fine, I'll help you open what you need for your investigation, but that's it."
"Great. I don't want to go near the cesspool of his private quarters without a hazmat team, so let's start in his office. That's going to have the security interface to the ship. Anything he does shipwide goes through there."
They made it to Finch's office in short order without a word shared between them. Neither man had anything else to say to the other. When they arrived, Suda input his security override which opened the door without delay.
"I'll get us access to his security terminal, you crack open anything special," Suda said. He input his credentials and stepped aside. "See anything out of order? I want acess logs. I want fucking pictures. I want a goddamn diary."
Still seething from the graffiti, Aarix entered Finch's office and looked around with a glare. As far as he could tell, it was a normal office. A desk, with a monitor and some PADDs, trinkets on the shelves... "What the hell is 'out of order' for this guy?" Aarix asked, more to himself than to Suda.
It was a good question. Suda just shrugged. "Might as cut to the chase then." He walked over to the wall panel where the office's security junction box would be located. Any device, even a remote one, which interfaced with the ship in this room would be routed through it. Removing the panel with a firm press and then manually accessing it with his preloaded authorization, Suda said, "So far this doesn't show signs of tampering. If there are any surprises--"
A loud snap of a force field made Suda spin around on his heels with phaser in hand. What he saw was Aarix encased in a narrow cylindrical force field. Finch's voice could be heard taunting him on repeat.
"To the windows, to the walls, till you lick the sweat off my balls! To the windows, to the walls, till you lick the sweat off my balls!"
The obnoxious refrain was punctuated by a holographic projection on repeat of Finch throwing his hands and hips from one side to the other, ending with his hands behind his head while performing a pelvic thrust at the end.
"I'm going to throw up," Suda said. "How do we turn that shit off?"
Aarix was near the desk when he felt like he was suddenly shoved into a locker. He tried to move, finding that he was quite confined to the narrow space offered by the forcefield. He could shift around, but that was it. In front of his field of view was the hologram of Finch thrusting the air, and he glared at it. "Computer, lower forcefield. Authorization Teral epsilon-nine-four-three-phi!"
"Authorization code not accepted."
Annoyed, Aarix "punched" the forcefield with his shoulder, knowing it would do nothing to either lower the field or ease his annoyance. "Go to the access panel by the door," he growled, competing to be heard over the repetitive taunt. "You should see a dark grey box inside. That controls the field generators. Just pull the damn thing out of the wall and I'll deal with it later!"
Without having to be told twice, Suda ripped the panel away from the wall and fired his service phaser at the gray box. The forcefield dropped, but so did the lights and presumably everything else in the room.
"... till you lick the sweat off my--"
Mercifully the hologram shut off as well. Emergency lighting activated, coloring the room in an amber hue that cast long shadows at harsh angles.
"Not sure if this is any better..." Suda muttered. Even if Aarix was free, there was no way to access the deactivated terminal. "...unless..."
Suda pried the terminal free of its embedded placement within the desk with several hard tugs. Once separated, the Andorian then smashed it repeatedly against the desktop. Composite shards chipped away from both the terminal and desk until the shell finally cracked open.
"There," said Suda, presenting the opened terminal innards to Aarix. "Can you brute-force the internal components now?"
Aarix rolled his shoulders when the forcefield finally dropped, glad to be able to move freely. His relief was then replaced with surprise when the security chief started smacking the terminal apart. He stared at the wreckage presented to him before gingerly taking the pieces from Suda, as if they were a delicate piece of art that would shatter if handled the wrong way. "I can try," he responded, fighting the urge to ask if the destruction was really necessary.
"Son of a son of a son of a son of son of a son of a..."
The vocal loop startled Suda enough to put him into a fighting stance, but he quickly realized the glitch for what it was. "Tripped some kind of a log?"
"Maybe try and upload it to a device that ain't broke," Suda suggested.
They were soon met with the fruits of Aarix's labor. The full personal log played at length.
"Ha! That stupid Andorian son of a bitch thinks he's so smart. Doesn't even know I piggybacked on a hacked pussbot to bypass the security office lockouts. I am in there like swimwear and his dumb ass is none the wiser! Ahahaha! The other department heads are too mopey to even notice me poking around either. Maybe I'll start fucking with them too. Not like anyone is paying attention on this suicide cruise. If I'm going to die with a bunch of retards, I might as well have some fun along the way. Now where's my shower cam feed..."
Suda gave Aarix a hard deadpan stare. "Your services are no longer required," he said in a grisly monotone. "I'll take it from here."
Aarix nodded, glad to be dismissed from this hell of an office. He turned to leave, only to see the mane he desperately wanted to punch in the face standing in front of him.
"Hey!" Finch's sniveling voice came from the doorway. He marched inside with hands waving. "This is my office! Go play grab-ass somewhere else!"
Glaring, Aarix headed for the exit, but made sure to hit Finch's shoulder with his own as he passed. It was the polite option instead of punching him, but the engineer didn't care. He needed to blow off steam.
Suda marched up to Finch, twisted the man's arm nearly out of its socket, and yarded him over to the wall.
"Hey! Ow! Brutality!" Finch protested.
"You haven't seen brutality." Suda's voice was guttural. With one hand, he ripped open the control panel to the replicator and started pulling components free. Rearranging them as he spoke, Suda explained, "You done fucked up. You can be a pathetic little jackoff because that was the curse nature set upon you, but what you cannot do is fuck with my ship."
"I dunno what you're talking about!" Finch half said, half whined in a simpering sing-song.
"Shut the fuck up." Suda dug his fingers behind Finch's elbow joint and twisted his arm around until the hand slammed inside the replicator. "Think you're so smart and the rest of us are dumbasses? Let me show you what a dumbass can do."
"Wha-wha-what are you doing?!" Finch stammered.
The replicator whined up, functioning under protest due to the destructive modifications Suda had made. In the blink of an eye, Finch's hand was there one instant and gone the next.
"OH SHIT!" Finch pulled the stub of his wrist back and stared in horror at where his hand used to be.
"Oh shit is right," Suda spat. "I destroyed the safeties on your replicator. Now I'm going to take you apart piece by fucking piece as an example to every other shithead of what happens to anyone who threatens the operational security apparatus of my ship."
"Help!" Finch screamed.
Suda slammed the man's face into the wall, nose breaking in a crunch. "I said shut the fuck up."
"Stop it!" Finch whimpered through bloody snot dribbling down his chin. "Don't hurt me anymore."
"I'm not going to hurt you," Suda said plainly with contempt clear in his voice. "I'm going to kill you. Extrajudicial summary judgment, according to the paperwork." And then he forced Finch up by the neck and shoved his head inside the replicator.
"I won't do it again!" Finch cried out. "I swear to Jesus, Surak, Kahless, and the big tittied Ferengi goddess I won't do it again!"
"Do what again?!" Suda yelled.
"I hacked the stupid cat-bot and used it to trojan the security office datasphere to bypass every other system on the ship!" Finch's voice turned falsetto. "Please! Don't take my head!"
Suda pulled Finch back by the collar and stuck the man's stumpy arm back into the replicator. After a few button presses, the hand rematerialized though it did not appear fully functional.
"Might want to get that checked out in Sickbay," Suda said. "Go get cleaned up. You turn yourself into Maddox and I won't finish the job."
For once, Finch had no filthy innuendo or pithy comeback. He just stood there and cradled his reformed hand.
"I want to hear a goddamn 'yes, sir' right goddamn now," Suda seethed through grit teeth.
"Yes, sir..." Finch nodded several times. "Yes, I'll do that."
"Get the fuck outta' here," Suda waved him off.
Finch didn't need to be told twice.
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