Stewicidal Tendencies

Posted on Mon Nov 28th, 2022 @ 10:53pm by Ensign Archer Logan VI & Master Warrant Officer Gamze & Ensign Sara Richards IX

3,261 words; about a 16 minute read

Mission: The Song Of Silver Wings
Location: USS Daedalus | Sickbay
Timeline: 2404 (Immediately after "Archer Was Here")

The transporter deposited Archer and Sara side by side in the triage center of Sickbay. With minimal staffing on board, the only available medical officer was Master Warrant Gamze. A teal vest with a combadge on it was the only indication that she was a Starfleet officer.

"Greetings, humans!" Gamze announced through her translator. "The transporter log dictates there is no medical emergency, but surely you aren't here for no reason. What seems to be the trouble?"

Archer pulled off his helmet which dripped with the remnants of his prior meal. "I... I don't feel so good..."

"Aha," Gamze said. "Acute emesis. Preliminary scans do not suggest any cause other than elevated vitals, so why don't you two head over to the decontamination area while I ready some biobeds for you?"

At first Archer made to comply without issue, but after two steps he remembered the reason for his dilemma in the first place. The feminine officer had given him a thumbs up. In his time at the Academy, that almost always resulted in his dormmate hooking up with another cadet--a feat that Archer had never accomplished himself. Now, on his first permanent assignment, he...he...he...

"I don't think that's a good idea," Archer said with a shifting falsetto. "Or... maybe... you first, Ensign."

Seeing a chunk of something slide out of Archer's helmet almost made Sara hurl her lunch, but she clamped her mouth shut as tight as she could as she removed her helmet. To avoid going over that edge, Sara forced herself to look at anything but Archer and his last meal making a puddle on the floor with every audible drip. Oh god, I can hear it, she thought. Was she turning green yet?

She then heard a voice, Archer's voice, suggesting that he go first. "I'll feel better once you get cleaned up. Seeing people hurl makes me queasy," she replied, still not looking at him. She glanced at the doctor, putting a hand to her face to block out any sight of the vomit. "Doc, do I have to go into decon with him?"

Archer immediately began babbling again. This situation was developing exactly like the amateur smut vid he saw at the Academy: Starfleet Shower Power Hour 8. He never did see the 7 prequels but he had a pretty firm grasp on the franchise's theme. It was beyond surreal to see himself in the protagonist's role.

"Of course," Gamze said, her Phylosian protuberances wiggling as they sampled the air. "You both must cleanse yourself from the remnants of... what is that substance?"

"Beef stew!" Archer squeaked.

"Yes, beef stew," Gamze said with what may have been a nod. "Visceral bacterial cultures are dripping onto the floor as we speak. Now unless you have any religious or other cultural objection, into decontamination you go."

"I object!" Archer blushed furiously. "I, uh, am a priest... in, eh, a temple. A big one with... candles and, you know, music..."

Gamze let out some kind of chittering noise. "A temple! How quaint! You must tell me about it after you are decontaminated."

"Ugh..." Archer felt his knees begin to knock, which thanks to the EV suit made for a rather impressive percussion as the suit clanked against itself.

"Kindly save all rituals until after treatment," Gamze said. "And I reapectfully remind you treatment cannot be administered until you have been decontaminated."

Sara huffed. There was no logical reason for her to endure decontamination, especially with him. She never touched him or got any of his... stew onto her. "Fine, the sooner this can be done with... come on, Stew-man." She grabbed the ring of his suit that his helmet locked into and started to drag him along to the decon unit. Being in decontamination was the worst, Sara would rather spend the night in an exhaust manifold, and being stuck in decon with an ensign who couldn't even hold it together... the sooner she could get out of this, the sooner she could go back to her job. She thanked the stars that she still had her gloves on, because she didn't know the extent of the proverbial damage and she wanted to keep it that way. "Rules for decon, Stew-man: no peeking, or the doc will have more than an upset stomach to heal."

"P-p-peeking?" Archer squeaked. Oh Fusion, this was not how he wanted to see his first boob!

"Oh dear," Gamze said, reviewing her medical tricorder. "It appears only one of you is covered in biohazard material, so only one--"

But Archer started retching again. Whatever was left from the beef stew in his stomach was now deposited all over Sara.

"I'm so sorry!" Archer's hands hung in the air outstretched as if he had tried to catch the projectile vomiting.

"As you were," Gamze said apologetically. "Both into decontamination."

"Um... you first?" Archer asked Sara with one eye closed. "I... I can wait."

Sara gasped when she felt warm chunks hit her face and slowly trickle into her suit, making her gag and slap a gloved hand over her mouth. Her spare hand was still on Archer's suit as she turned to keep walking to decon, but this time she had haste in her step. The doctor already had a mess to clean up, she didn't want to give her more work. "Get in and shut up," she said, her mouth muffled by the glove before she practically shoved him into the decon room.

A harsh squeal escaped Archer's lips at the shove. Sara had given him the universal signal for soliciting sex from strangers, or so pornographic entertainment would lead him to believe. Locked inside the decon room with just him and a fairly attractive member of a different gender made his pulse race and his eyes bulge.

"Wha-wha-whatdja do that for?" Archer managed to croak out. "Be gentle, this is my first time..."

Sara rolled her eyes as she released her grip on his suit. "I said to shut it," she said, tempting fate by slowly removing her hand from her mouth. You can keep it in... just pretend the helmet is still on, she thought to herself. "If you kept your lunch to yourself, we wouldn't be here." A chunk of beef tickled her neck where it disappeared into the suit, which was enough to tip her past the point of no return. Quickly turning into a corner, she threw up, her own lunch making a solid splat on the decon wall. Sara coughed, doing her best to regain control of her stomach.

"Oh shale!" Archer gasped. "That's not good..." He looked from corner to corner, uncertain of what he should do next. Protocol dictated the removal of all equipment, gear, and clothing, yet... Sara was right there, hurling but still present and very angry. Maybe if it smelled better...

"Computer, begin aerosol sterilization," Archer said.

The air began to hiss as the filtration system kicked into overdrive. In mere seconds, the gut-curdling stench of curdled guts was swept away and left with air the smell after the rain. The good kind of rain, not the radioactive acid rain that still tortured the lowlands of Terra Nova. After a moment, Archer was nearly lulled to a state of calm by the hum of the environmental system.

"There... that's better," he said. But then there was the matter of the upchuck all over him. "Uh..." He put one hand over his eyes and did his best to unfasten his suit blind and one-handed. "Where is it that muddy strap?!"

The dissipation of the rancid stench of stomach acid did help a little, and Sara took a couple deep breaths to try and calm her stomach. That is, until she heard something very out of context, which made her slightly turn her head from the wall. "What did you just ask for??" She asked, surprised. Hopefully she heard wrong, or maybe he just learned the wrong suit terminology.

"I'm trying to find the release for this stupid strap," Archer said with one hand still over his eyes while the other fumbled across his torso. "Front to back then around the side... but then it should be over here..."

Oh, he meant the thing to take off the suit. Taking a breath and holding it in, Sara turned and quickly located what he was looking for, noticing that he had a hand over his eyes. "Why are you covering your eyes? We just got in here," she commented, releasing the clip he was looking for with a hint of annoyance. The sooner they could get this over with, the sooner she could leave.

"But... you said no peeking," Archer said with one hand still over his eyes. The suit fell around his ankles, leaving him standing in only his underclothes--a sweaty gray tanktop and tighty-whitey underpants. "Normally I'm good at doing things with only one hand." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, though, they were followed by a humiliating squeal. "Gah!" he exclaimed, eyes still covered. "That's not what I meant! I just mean I'm usually quite handy."

"I meant keep our backs to each other, stupid," she quipped with a roll of her eyes. Confirming that the suit did come off and he wouldn't have troubles, Sara turned back around to undo her own suit, the shuffle of fabric hitting the ground an audible sign that she was successful. "Handy, huh?" She said, an amused smirk starting to cross her lips despite her efforts to stay serious. Yeah, Archer seemed to have the mental maturity of an ant, but watching him stumble over his words was admittedly funny. Especially the alleged assistant chief engineer. In her experience, all engineers were dorky and awkward, some just hid it better. She was also starting to pick up on the gutter thoughts he was having, and took a moment to debate if she would tease him for it. "You handle all your tools how you handled the clip on your suit?"

"I can handle a tool as good as any engineer in Starfleet!" Archer dropped his hand in angry protest, but then he saw Sara in the end stages of undress. "Gah!" he squealed again as he covered his eyes once more. "Sorry, sorry!"

Sara initially snorted at his reply, then realized that he was apologizing because he probably saw her butt in its entirety, making her her cheeks grew warm with some embarrassment. At least he saw her backside, she'd move to some isolated planet and die in the woods if he saw her front. "Eyes to the wall, Ensign," she warned.

"Which way is the wall?" Archer asked with his hand still over his eyes. There was a distinct and compromising development in his midsection that tighty-whitey underpants did nothing to disguise. He began to walk about blindly grasping at the air with his free hand and his own cheeks ablaze.

"Oh my gods," Sara muttered, turning to guide him to the wall. Only, he was a lot closer than expected, and she froze when his reaching hand collided with her chest. It took her a moment to process what just happened, and between the hand on her breast and the bulge that she just noticed in his underwear, she realized that he had other plans for the decontamination room. Some mix of anger and offense took over her, and she curled her hand into a fist before hitting his face with it, a clear smack echoing in the room. "What the hell is your problem?? Can you act like an adult for five seconds??"

At first the manly bulge was a result of the sheer state of vulnerability and sense of panic Archer couldn't escape. Blind, desperate grappling for the safety the wall so he could safely open his eyes without--oh, shale, that butt had looked nice but it had been wrong!--more problems did not result in what he had hoped.

Rather than the hard, flat wall, Archer's hand had found a soft, squishy mound with a small but stiff protrusion. Without the benefit of sight or past experience, his hand had no idea what it had grasped. And, thanks to the head punch, neither did his brain.

"OW!" Archer yelled, his hand which had covered his eyes moved to cradle his head trauma. "What was that fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fo..." His eyes shot wide in shock as his mouth forgot how to work.

And there it was. A breast in his hand. A human breast. Not a livestock teat. Not a mannequin like those jerk cadets at the Academy had snuck into his bunk on more than one occasion. A warm, fleshy, honest-to-granite boob.

"Please refrain from passionate physical contact while in decontamination," said Gamze's voice through the speaker. "There is plenty of time for that later."

Only then did Archer's wits return to him and he thought to withdraw his hand. His hand of glory. The right hand of a dead man. He took a step back in case Sara started punching again.

"I am SO sorry!" he pleaded with his hands grasped together in penitence. "I did NOT mean to do that! I didn't even see you! Not until now! But it was an accident! Seeing and touching! I won't do anything else! Or see anything else!" The irony of him looking right at her for the full duration of his falsetto-laden apology was lost on him until just then. He had walked into the decon chamber terrified that Sara wanted to hook up, but now he was just as scared that she wanted to kill him. "Shale! I want to turn around but I'm scared you're going to hit me again..."

A furious blush colored Sara's cheeks as she covered herself up as best as she could. "I'm gross right now, pysical contact is the last thing on my mind!" She nearly shouted at the door, as if the doctor were standing there. Turning her head back to Archer, she gritted her teeth while shifting her exposed body away from him, since he was still staring. "Use your eyes to find a wall, a corner, I don't care, and stay there. Get your brain out of 'Shower Power Hour 8' and clean yourself so we can leave this damn room!"

"You saw that movie too?!" Archer exclaimed. The embarrassment made him turn around and crash into the wall. At least he found it. "Can we skip the douchenozzle montage and just get rinsed? And then maybe never speak of this again?"

Realizing what she just admitted to, Sara blushed even further. Knowing of that movie either meant one got involved in those dumb academy rituals, or one was really bored on their day off. "Every... every ensign fresh out of the Academy knows of that... that stupid movie!" She stammered, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. Seeing him turn away, she did the same, focusing her glare on the wall in front of her. "I'll agree to that," she grumbled, loud enough for him to hear her response while still conveying annoyance.

"Deal..." Facing the wall, Archer dropped his tighty-whitey underpants and pulled off his undershirt. Was Sara looking at his butt? Did she like it? No, way. His butt couldn't compare to hers. And she was rather adamant about not thinking of him in that way. Who would though? He was a weird Novan.

Rinsing off didn't take long since the water solution included an evaporating disinfectant that left them without the need for a towel. After multiple rounds of thermal venting and sonic resonance, Archer found himself standing bone dry and clean as a whistle. He inched along the wall toward the scrubs locker where he accessed two one-size outfits. One draped about himself and the other blindly held out toward Sara.

Glad this was almost over, Sara saw him blindly holding out an outfit and snatched it from his hand, making sure to keep her body far from his hands.

Gamze opened the door to decon. "My readings suggest that neither of you are suffering signs of injury or ailment, but I am happy to treat any symptoms you may be experiencing."

"I think I'm good," Archer said as he hurried to cover his naughty bits from the plant doctor.

Gamze's translator emitted a melodic trilling sound that might have been laughter. "Fabulous! In that case, I will issue a clean bill of health and a pamphlet on best practices for safe reproductive activity among humanoids." Rather than a PADD, Gamze extended a couple of transparent holo-flimsies with a prominent title displayed as, "Fun And Safety In Me."

"BWAH!!!" Archer shrieked when he saw the title.

Sara was speechless for a moment before crossing her arms. "We... we are not... no!" She stammered, her face turning red.

"Of course you aren't now," Gamze intoned. "It is for later in private, as is the custom for your kind."

"Ihavetogonowthankyouverymuch!" Archer turned on his heels to run away, his heart beating clear in his throat, but instead of finding the door, he ran headlong into Sara. The both of them went crashing to the floor with Archer prone atop of her.

"Oh, if you simply cannot wait, I suppose the decontamination shower will not be required for the next 10 minutes," said Gamze. "That should be ample time to relieve your epidydimal hypertension, correct?"

"Absolutely not," Sara grunted, trying to push Archer off of her. Why was he so heavy?? "No, I am not spending another second in a confined space with him- will you get off of me???" Cheeks so red they felt like they were burning, Sara glared at the nurse. "Look, just because Betazoids tend to be overtly sexual, doesn't mean that I'll be overtly sexual, too. Archer, if you don't get off of me, I will knee you so hard you will spend a week in sickbay learning how to piss again!"

Archer rolled to the side and covered his groin with his hands. "No, not my pisser!"

"Ensign, I must remind you that manual self-stimulation in the middle of Sickbay is against Starfleet Medical Protocol Number--"

"I am not masturbating!" Archer screamed. "I just want to get out of here."

"Very well," Gamze said. "I will issue a medical order to relieve you both from duty until you are finished with any necessary--"

"No!" Archer cried. "I do not need a doctor's order to masturbate! Not again!"

Gamze dipped her anterior region which passed for a head. "Then you are free to go. Avoid bodily fluids where possible and utilize proper sanitation where not possible."

But Archer was already running away in a shameful groan.

Sara was relieved when Archer finally moved, and didn't know she could blush even more when the nurse continued to talk. Silently agreeing with Archer's decision, she scrambled to her feet and ran out of sickbay, nearly tripping over her feet in the process. When she cleared the doors, she saw Archer disappear around the bend of the corridor and ran in the opposite direction, covering her face to hide the vibrant "red alert" hue across her skin. If Archer breathed a word of this to anyone, she was going to find him and end him, even if she had to cross the entire galaxy to do so.

After they left, Gamze fluttered her protuberances in delight. "Young animalae are so cute."

 

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